Monday, June 18, 2012

Day 12 and all is well

I am so content right now.

Aila is now 12 days old. I am feeling a lot like my former self, physically at least. I still need to get back into shape and still need to rest after a walk, but I'm a lot more mobile, able to pick up and cuddle Tai, wash my feet and get up from lying down.

I bathed Tai for the first time in a couple of weeks and he was so cooperative and so much fun. No fuss, even with the hair washing! I realized how much I missed that special time in the day. We sang and laughed and read lots of books. I love him to bits.

Mother's guilt is alive and well in me, but I'm usually so busy thinking about the next feed for one child or the other that I'm not actually letting it get to the surface.

But now sitting down and writing and listening to good music with a tiny bubba on my lap, it creeps up and around me.

Still, I know I'm doing my best and under the circumstances, I think I've gotten away with mild PND. Grateful for that as I was worried if it would be worse this time.

Aila is a real little beauty, I have to admit. She has delicate features, fingers, toes. She has her daddy's ears. Some of her expressions really remind me of Tai. She looks like Tai when she's asleep but there are obvious differences too. I can't wait to see how she will look in a couple of year's time.

I think Matt has had a good time on paternity leave this time. Tiring, but good. He's really done a lot more childcare with Tai, and I think they've bonded a lot. Same with Grandpa.

I am alive and I feel these last 12 days have been a steady marathon. Sleep is not strung together, but I do get a couple of hours here and there.