Monday, July 04, 2005


Have been in Urumqi for 3/4 of a year now, and i'm about to be launched into my 'old world', full of 'old friends' 'learned experiences' and 'past memories'. Since my arrival here, i've created a 'new world' for myself, full of 'new friends' 'new experiences' and 'new memories'. These two worlds will soon converge, and i must make a conscious effort to remain aware and sensitive of both sides, both needs, both wants and both misleading traps, all the while keeping my own well-being on the front line without compromising my morals.

When has growing up become so intricate? Where relationships, gainful experiences, pleasant memories, best friends, random strangers, haunting pasts and yet-to-be-revealed predicaments are all weaved into a thick fabric and stuffed into the hollow cone of a human body? Sometimes i wish we could all come out with a new slate, just off the conveyer belt, unmarked and unused, still smelling of that new-fresh-product-smell, like the cars you buy firsthand before you drive it out of the lot only to have it depreciate dramatically in value the second your back bumper enters city-terrain. But we wouldn't be who we are today if we had to keep starting fresh every few years, i realize that. Still, is it such a crime to love someone so much with every fibre in your soul, to want something to yourself so much that you have to come to terms with things that had nothing to do with you before a certain quantified time? No, i don't believe so. But i also believe that love shouldn't be a selfish act of limitation, rather one of acknowledgement, appreciation, and perpetual awe. I'm learning, I'm growing, but most importantly, I'm becoming the ideal Me i had envisionned for so long.

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