I am feeling like i'm waning away, not using my potential to my greatest. There are still feelings of helplessness, unproductiveness (yes, that's it!) and lost-ness.
A part of me wants to stay in SA and develop myself and my relationships and my projects. Another part of me has already left.
Since our visitors have gone, i've had more time to contemplate and meditate on what the options might be, what the outcomes might entail and what might be the best choice. It is very difficult to know. I'm conflicted and divided and confused.
I'm very excited for Anice's visit. It will be so nice to get to know her better and vice versa, to appreciate and respect her as an individual and not only as my sister.
Always, when i'm in a state, something from beyond comes down and hits me with full force and snaps me back to M.E.
Today, as i walked in hurriedly into La Cuccina, Leanne spots me. She's here with 2 New Yorkers. Kim, who's been here for 3 yrs already witha baby and a new start, has done some proposals for the Hout Bay Music Project. Her friend, Anasuya, is here visiting until June. She runs LETLOVELIVE, anNGO in NYC which gives children an outlet for their energy through art (poetry, drama, music, etc).
This meeting has inspired me and it precisely what i need to get myself smiling again - genuinely.
It's closing time here but i don't want to leave. I'm not ready to go home yet. I am enjoying my day, like what i was wished for when i stepped out.
The day has flown by. It does when you're having fun. Or when you have a lot on your mind.
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